(Written by Tommy Acuff)
In the 3rd grade, I got into a playground fight over Rowdy Roddy Piper and Mr. T.
See, Piper was in the midst of a feud with TV's Mr. T. The two were set to collide at Wrestlemania 2 in a boxing match. The two had squared off previously as parts of opposing tag teams at the inaugural Wrestlemania event, and hadn't settled things enough.
Mr. T was at the pinnacle of his fame. He'd fought Rocky. He was the star of The A-Team. His fists, his hairdo and his pitying of the fools were the biggest, most awesome thing that a group of nine-year-olds could imagine. He seemed like a shoo-in to beat Piper, who cheated and tried to lie and connive his way through a feud with Hulk Hogan (perhaps T's biggest competitor in the biggest, most awesome competition going on in the heads of nine-year-olds in 1986).
Except that I knew Piper was a tough cookie.
I'd seen him fight Ric Flair.
I'd seen him fight Greg Valentine.
I'd seen him beat some of the best.
I also knew that he wasn't a bad guy at heart, as much as his smashing a coconut against Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka's head speaks to the contrary. (As an aside, it is 2015, and there isn't a time that I walk past a coconut in the produce section of the grocery store, and I don't think of that Piper's Pit interview).
I'd spent several long hours trying to justify Piper's actions in feuds, and picking on jobbers. I'd managed to work it into a loose moral framework where Piper, generally smaller than many of the wrestlers he fought, felt picked on, so he did and said whatever he had to to get by.
One more slightly parenthetical note. I was a quiet, shy kid. I usually found myself on the short side of arguments, even at nine-years-old. I never knew what to say. I got tongue-tied and would stutter if enough stress came into the conversation. I have since come to think that Roddy Piper's ability to continue talking, and not be cowed into silence (as I often found myself, sometimes even still find myself), was something very cool. Right or wrong. Good guy, or bad. Rowdy Roddy Piper always managed to get his words in edgewise, something this quiet nine-year-old often had trouble doing.
So, as it happens, I don't remember how the conversation started. But most of the kids in the class were ready for Mr. T to win. I tried to talk about the fights Piper had won against the Ric Flairs and Greg Valentines of the world a couple years prior on the NWA wrestling shows I managed to find. Those conversant in the topic were quick to point out that Ric Flair never came anywhere near an arena Hulk Hogan was wrestling, and Greg Valentine, though part of a successful tag team, wasn't on the level of a Mr. T.
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| Ric Flair and Roddy Piper in happier times |
I lost my temper. I admit it. I found myself feeling very much like Roddy Piper, facing a large group of my peers who were disagreeing, and mocking my beliefs. My knowledge of Piper's past was my kilt. My sticking up for the Hot Scot was like a set of bagpipes. There was shoving. There weren't many punches thrown, if any. Before the disagreement could escalate to our very own playground Wrestlemania, we were separated by teachers, and not allowed to play at recess for the remainder of the week. There were no paddlings or anything to that end, so in retrospect, it couldn't have been that big a fight.
Piper would go on to lose that boxing match. He resorted to a couple of wrestling low blows, including picking Mr. T up and bodyslamming him. We were reported this news the day after the event, by somebody who said they'd had the fortune to see the show. None of us believed until the results of the show finally cycled through to WWF weekly syndicated TV. (I never knew if Teddy was full crap about seeing the show, I realize nearly 30 years later. I wonder now if he really did get to see the pay per view, or if he was just making it up to impress us. I lean toward full of crap, but he was correct about Piper's loss).
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| Roddy Piper taking a left hook from Mr. T at Wrestlemania 2 |
The WWE is winding its way toward Wrestlemania again, this year. This corridor, from the Royal Rumble to the Wrestlemania show is still my favorite, though I think back and wish for that feeling, that anticipation. Nowadays, we have somewhere between six and eight hours of TV a week, not counting the non-stop loop of stuff you can pull up on the WWE Network ($9.99 a month, or haven't you heard?) at any hour of the day. There are big shows every month. Big names have big matches every week. One downside to the multitude of outlets the WWE has at its disposal is that you don't have to be left waiting long, if you want more.
I'm not nine, anymore. I finally admitted that wrestling wasn't real a couple or three years after that playground Piper pickle. And I've been subject to the WWE media onslaught for 25 years since.
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| The stage being set at Wrestlemainia 1: Paul Orndorff and Roddy Piper with Cowboy Bob Orton vs. Mr. T and Hulk Hogan with Jimmy Snuka |
Truth is, I don't know if kids today have that same fire that my friends and I seemed to. Are they ready to get into a playground shoving match over Brock Lesnar, Seth Rollins and John Cena? Bray Wyatt and the Undertaker? Dean Ambrose and Wade Barrett?
I say all that to say this In the past month, I've taken a throwback approach to the WWE, and it's something I'll keep on with until Wrestlemania, at the very least. I've stopped peeking behind the curtain, with online newssites and Twitter feeds. I'm not watching Raw or Smackdown. I'll mark Wrestlemania on my calendar. My own dismal feelings about the state of WWE storytelling aside, I'm hoping to be surprised. I want to see if the show has that Mega Show feel that the Wrestlemanias I watched growing up had. It was a big deal when Piper and Mr. T fought. And their match was smaller potatoes, even on that show. I'm taking a sabbatical from the wrestling world, to return on Wrestlemania.
Let's see what the WWE can do....
- Written by Tommy, the shop keeper at Big Stupid Tommy. He is a legend.
N/p: "Blood On The Blue Grass" by Legendary Shack Shakers
"I'm trying to find a place with peace. And if not, then let's fill it with mayhem." - Roddy Piper
According to scientists, Saturn's rings will eventually disappear.
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