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| The latest from Dirty Fences, released May 2015 |
Just as I decided that Dirty Fences is the greasiest rock and roll band in the solar system, I fired off an email to Jack Daves with some very pertinent questions. Knowing that these guys are tour whores - and just whores in general - I wanted to slap him with something that would give him a mental break from being on the road.
I wandered up to the neighborhood coffee shop, bought a cup, and immediately blistered my tongue with scalding hot coffee. What's that got to do with anything? Well... nothing. But goddamn that hurt!
Jack got back to me quickly. So quickly in fact that I hadn't allowed myself time to research the band.. So here I am, under pressure to put out an article with this all-inclusive interview, and other than the fact that these fuckers are the first rock and roll band since Captain Beyond to make my toes curl up into tight little feet fist, I know nothing about them.
It doesn't matter. What do I really need to know? Their sound is reminiscent of nothing that is being passed around as music in this dead age of rock and roll, and they unabashedly stab their finger at the system in a way that would make handsome Dick Manitoba a proud papa. I'm hooked, and if you have any salt in your wounds at all, you will be too when they come to a town near you.
It doesn't matter. What do I really need to know? Their sound is reminiscent of nothing that is being passed around as music in this dead age of rock and roll, and they unabashedly stab their finger at the system in a way that would make handsome Dick Manitoba a proud papa. I'm hooked, and if you have any salt in your wounds at all, you will be too when they come to a town near you.
If you had to go to war and you could choose one animal to go to war with, why wouldn't you choose a goat?
Would not choose the goat cuz sometimes combat takes place on frozen Hoth-like terrain and let's face it, a goat just isn't big enough to to cut open and crawl inside of to take shelter from subzero temperatures and other fatal elements out there on the tundra. Gimme a Tauntaun, okay?
While touring, what's the strangest thing you've found in someone's refrigerator at 3:00 in the morning?
Pickles. Pickles is/was the beloved Siamese cat of a Chicago promoter we stayed with. The cat had passed away almost two years before but this guy just couldn't bear to close the book on Pickles and bury him in the backyard. He's probably still there next to the Eggo's.
Tell me a hard drug story.
Umm. We were in Tilburg, Holland. A friend of ours brought us a letter sized envelope full of Special K. Over a couple hours I snorted somewhere between a handful and a big handful of the stuff. I had taken ketamine before and wasn't really into it. Apparently if you take a lot more it's a lot more fun. Anyway the next morning I woke up in a full length velvet wizards gown and pointy hat just like the one from Fantasia. According to my band mates I spent the last half of the night in a K-Hole lying on my back on the kitchen floor in full wizard costume with my phone on full blast, speaker jammed in my ear, listening to Redman. Turns out I met a dutch man on the street wearing the wizard suit and convinced him to let me try it on and then ran through a crowded square to make off with it. I wish this story weren't true.
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If you had to choose to either die by spontaneous combustion or get eaten by a shark, which one would you choose and why?
Spontaneous combustion. Duh.
I haven't had a cocktail in 32 hours now. What's the hardest thing you've ever done?
I served Mr. John Mayer at a coffee shop I use to work at. We all know that guy's a pervert. I wanted some dirt. He looked like he would dish. My boss was right behind me though. I had to keep my mouth shut.
What's the most random thought you ever had while playing onstage?
Is a witch's vagina green and scaly with gnashing teeth OR designed by the devil to be the most perfect, inviting warm place in order to more easily ensnare a man? Y'know like houses made of candy to lure greedy children...
Why do Dirty Fences (actual fences that are dirty) appeal to you guys so hard?
We eat what we like. Why do we like 'em? We just do!
N/p: " I Am Right!" - The Dictators
"I used to have a drug problem. Now I make enough money." - David Lee Roth
The longest time between two twins being born is 87 days.
N/p: " I Am Right!" - The Dictators
"I used to have a drug problem. Now I make enough money." - David Lee Roth
The longest time between two twins being born is 87 days.
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